Earning my Stripes: Choosing Hobby over Clique

The subtle pressures to join a blood-related social club began during my repeated fourth-grade year, manifesting through what I perceived as orchestrated propositions from my teachers, peers, and friends. This theme of social induction persisted into the fifth grade, taking a psychologically suggestive turn when the teacher allowed the class to watch an interview with a mobster, seemingly offering a covert glimpse into a life of organized association. I actively ignored those propositions at the time. Later, despite not knowing or remembering where I was from, I was still vouched for by a parent and associate who decided we'd instead start a band to somehow become successful in the music business during late middle school and early high school. The most direct confrontation with this issue occurred during my ninth-grade auto shop class. When an associate was disrespectfully joking about me not remembering my origins, I drew a firm line: "I don't want to start a click because I don't want to scare you," meaning I wouldn't start a group where he wouldn't last. I told him the easiest way for me to gain respect was to earn your stripes by joining a hobby you could profit from after high school; for me, that was either sports or music. After multiple fights at school, Sims Park, and Caruthers Park, two associates—a male and a female—vouched for me to finally join and start my own clique during Sophomore Year. However, I suspected an underhanded tactic from the female associate, as she never mentioned studying and seemed focused only on what she could get out of it or just wanted to play games for a relationship. I was firm in my refusal, deciding not to start a new click or a new relationship after everything I'd already been through with the fights.

Betrayal and the Blindsided: The Sacrifice of Chicano Identity for Inner Peace

The sacrifice of the Chicano Identity for Inner peace and safety creates a blindsided point of view that only the few decide to unmask because of the disrespect they received by their educators, peers, and associates regarding their idea of them desiring with envy, and jealousy to share your individual privilege or safe space for their own selfish needs in a Chicano community without the consent of the person that is masking. Which can create a sense of entitlement from an outsiders point of view into ones space for the person that is masking their unique lineage, ultimately the person has to decide whether they unmask or not due to the behavior that is being perpetuated against the individual for them simply thinking they are being themselves when in fact they are not because of the disrespect with the intention to falsely accuse them to cause them to become uncivilized, thrown in prison, and laugh about it later after they found out the person was innocent the whole entire time

Rogue Leaders: The Erosion of American Values

Many Americans feel disillusioned by their politicians, viewing them as greedy, money-hungry individuals who have lost touch with the values and needs of their constituents. This perception extends to various institutions, including the FBI, where some believe that agents have become entangled in the same culture of ambition and self-interest. Additionally, the government's tendency to imprison individuals based on shaky evidence or flawed investigations has led to tragic outcomes, where innocent people serve time for crimes they did not commit, only to be exonerated years later. As scandals and corruption come to light, it becomes increasingly apparent that both elected officials and certain members of the FBI have gone rogue, driven more by personal gain and corporate interests than by a commitment to public service. This shift away from genuine representation raises concerns about the integrity of democracy and the erosion of American ideals, leaving citizens questioning whether their leaders and protectors truly embody the spirit of the nation.

Weeds Amongst the People

Narcissistic women who engage in pathological lying and scapegoating often create a toxic environment that makes genuine love impossible. Their constant need for validation drives them to manipulate those around them, particularly their partners, whom they may blame for their own unhappiness. This behavior aligns with the sentiments expressed in Isaiah 4:1, where seven women cling to one man, showcasing a desperate need for identity without the willingness to provide true partnership. Instead of nurturing a loving relationship, these women focus on their own needs, often seeking to project their insecurities onto their partners. This dynamic leads to a cycle of emotional abuse, where the man feels inadequate and unworthy, while the woman remains perpetually dissatisfied, never able to find fulfillment in love. The inability to accept responsibility for their actions and the tendency to scapegoat their partners prevent any meaningful connection from forming. Ultimately, this pattern not only harms their relationships but also leaves both parties trapped in a cycle of loneliness and despair, where love is overshadowed by manipulation and blame.

Genesis 2:20-23, 1 Timothy 2:10-14, 1 Corinthians 14:33-36, Proverbs 21:7-11, Proverbs 14:1, Ephesians 5:22-24

The Heart’s Void

From 2013 to 2015, I found myself deeply entrenched in the flesh, striving for success as I transitioned from high school to college, believing that accolades and grades would fill the void in my heart. I chased after achievements, thinking they would bring me fulfillment, yet everything felt like grasping for the wind, leaving me emptier than before. Surrounded by teachers and professors who often used Machiavellian tactics, psychological manipulation, and power plays, I witnessed firsthand how their pursuit of popularity overshadowed genuine education and mentorship. Their actions—scapegoating, slander, and intellectual dishonesty—only added to the toxic environment, highlighting a shared emptiness that we all felt but rarely acknowledged. It became clear to me that both students and educators were caught in a cycle of striving for validation in the flesh, neglecting the deeper spiritual needs of our hearts. In my search for meaning, I realized that true fulfillment could only come from being filled with the Holy Spirit, who alone can satisfy the unescapable void within us. This revelation transformed my perspective, leading me to seek a relationship with God that transcends worldly success, and I began to understand that our true worth is found in Him, not in our achievements.

More Than a Coincidence: Finding My Roots Through an Archangel's Name

Back in my Cerritos College days, the practice rooms were my sanctuary. Hours melted away as I dedicated myself to the classical guitar before turning to the pages of my Bible. One evening, stepping out for a slice of pizza, I received an unexpected comment from the server: “You look like Gabriel the Archangel.” That simple statement struck a deep chord within me, igniting a powerful sense that God’s Spirit was present in my life. It was a feeling that stayed with me, and years later, the realization that I share familial connection with the historic San Gabriel Archangel Mission in California only amplified the significance of that seemingly chance encounter.  

The Unseen Chicano: My Path to an Authentic Self

Growing up, I felt a deep sense of internal conflict, a feeling that something was fundamentally missing. I was living a life that wasn't truly my own. I didn't realize it then, but I was instinctively autistic masking, a survival mechanism to fit into a world that felt alien. I was also drawn to a contemporary goth aesthetic rooted in my prehispanic ancestry from Pueblo’s Blancos—a way of expressing a part of my identity I wasn't ready to fully embrace. This internal struggle, combined with my unrecognized autistic nature and the potential influence of my ancestry from Cerro de la Masacra and Mission Soledad, led me into a profound depression. As a child, I was inexplicably drawn to Batman, an obsession that I couldn't explain. My earliest memories are tied to Thompson Park in Bellflower, a place I spent countless hours in kindergarten. It wasn't until I was an adult, in college, that I began to understand the deeper reasons for this fascination. I discovered that I am related to the people of Santo Domingo de Guzman Chiapas de Corzo in Zinacantan, Mexico and Huehuetenango Concepcion in Guatemala, whose ancient mascot is the bat god Camazotz. I also learned that my connection to Thompson Park was more profound than I ever imagined, as it was historically tied to the Saint Thomas Indian Mission or Mission Puerto of Purísima Concepción in California's Winterhaven. These familial and historical ties helped me realize that my obsession, and my general gravitation towards a black clothing aesthetic, wasn't just a random preference—it was an instinctive way of connecting with my roots, a silent acknowledgement of a heritage I was just beginning to uncover. Huehuetenango Concepcion in Zinacantan, Mexico, whose mascot is a bat, like Batman, the strict, almost military, code of conduct I used in the bands I formed in Bellflower during 2010 was a reflection of this heritage and my autistic nature, which made me prefer working in solitude, a fact I was also unaware of. This period led to a deep depression, but the one thing that brought me joy was the music and working with a crowd that shared my aesthetic and music taste. Despite receiving accommodations for a learning disability throughout my schooling, I was never properly diagnosed with high-functioning autism. It wasn't until 2019 that I finally received my official diagnosis, allowing me to understand that my desire to work in solitude and my past struggles were tied to my identity as a Chicano. I finally understood how my roots, like the solitary nature of the Mission Soledad or Rancho San Vicente and the Masked Rider or Ghost Rider, were a part of who I am which is has a contrasting parallel between both characters Zorro and Batman. This realization finally helped me find my way out of the darkness and into a life where I could be my authentic self.

Beyond Coincidence: Finding My Graduation Year in Moche History

The Huaca de la Luna is a monumental adobe structure on the northern coast of Peru, serving as a key ceremonial center for the Moche civilization between the 1st and 8th centuries CE. This civilization predates the later Inca Empire, and while the Quechua language is a hallmark of the Inca, the Moche left their own distinct cultural legacy. The Huaca is renowned for its vibrant, multi-layered murals, most notably the prominent depiction of Aiapaec, the principal Moche deity. Aiapaec is a mountain god who is often depicted not as a single animal, but as a composite being embodying the ferocity and power of the spider, bat, eagle, and jaguar. In Moche belief, Aiapaec was a fearsome figure known as "the decapitator," a god of sacrifice and retribution who maintained the cosmic order. The artistry and religious themes within the Huaca de la Luna are a testament to the complex beliefs of this ancient culture, whose profound influence is a foundational part of South America's indigenous history, a legacy that, for some, personally resonates with the broader culture that extends to regions like Santiago del Estero Quichua in Buenos Aires, Argentina and parts of Colombia today.

I came to find a deeper connection to this ancient history through a coin necklace. The coin, which features the Huaca de la Luna and its iconic Aiapaec imagery, was released to the public in August 2014 as the 17th coin in a series of 26 from Peru. This specific year holds personal significance for me, as it was the year of my graduation from Bellflower High School. This confluence of events feels like more than a coincidence, especially when considering the themes of decapitation. Aiapaec, the god often depicted as a Moche priest or warrior beheading a captive, brings to mind the story of the prophet Elijah from the Old Testament, who famously decapitated 450 prophets of Baal. Although there may not be a direct cultural connection between these two vastly different historical figures, the shared motif of decapitation as a display of power or divine justice offers a fascinating parallel across different civilizations and belief systems.